rachel..

it's been loooooong since I've posted here and well, it's gonna be even more dead here now. why? 'cos now, I'm tumblr-ing~ haha.decided to swap over 'cos I can just do twitter like stuff there easily and all so it's more convenient and stuff too. so that's pretty much tata to you now lj.. head to http://tumblr.com/musicrae instead people~

xoxo
-car

it's raining today
the blinds are shut, it's always the same
i tried all the games that they play
but they made me insane

life on tv
it's random, it means nothing to me
i'm writing down what i cannot see
wanna wake up in a dream

whoa, whoa
they're telling me it's beautiful
i believe them but will i ever know
the world behind my wall

whoa, whoa
the sun will shine like never before
one day i will be ready to go
see the world behind my wall

trains in the sky
are travelling through fragments of time
they're taking me to parts of my mind
that no one can find

i'm ready to fall
i'm ready to crawl on my knees to know it all
i'm ready to heal, i'm ready to feel

whoa, whoa
they're telling me it's beautiful
i believe them but will i ever know
the world behind my wall

whoa, whoa
the sun will shine like never before
one day i will be ready to go
see the world behind my wall

see the world behind my wall

i'm ready to fall
i'm ready to crawl on my knees to know it all
i'm ready to heal, i'm ready to feel

take me there

whoa, whoa
they're telling me it's beautiful
i believe them but will i ever know
the world behind my wall


before, i'd never dare to think that the orange parts were even possible.but now i do.you may not realize it but somehow you've made me a way better person than i'd have been.even if you felt like you haven't done anything, i tell you, you've done everything for me.if it weren't for you, i'd never learn or even dare to trust and love again.you've given me courage to face up to the past and to accept it to be part of who i am.so please, be strong, love.and know that even if i'm not there physically, i'll always be there for you.always.

sometimes when she says she doesn't care, inside she really does.
sometimes when she says to leave her alone, all she wants is for someone to be there.
sometimes when she doesn't wanna talk, she's just waiting for someone to ask what's up.
sometimes when she pushes the world away, she's just wanting to be pulled into a hug.
sometimes when she looks so fine, she's ripped into shreads deep inside.
sometimes, all she wants is just some care.

 

someone once told me that you have to choose
what you win or lose
you can't have everything

don't you take chances
you might feel the pain
don't you love in vain
'cos love won't set you free
i could stand by the side
and watch this life pass me by
so unhappy but safe as could be

so what if it hurts me?
so what if i break down?
so what if this world just throws me off the edge
my feet run out of ground
i gotta find my place
i wanna hear my sound
don't care about all the pain infront of me
'cos i'm just trying to be happy (yea)
just wanna be happy (yea)

holding on tightly
just can't let it go
just trying to play my role
slowly disappear (ooh)
well all these days, they feel like they're the same
just different faces, different names
get me outta here
but i can't stand by your side
and watch this life pass me by, pass me by

so what if it hurts me?
so what if i break down?
so what if this world just throws me off the edge
my feet run out of ground
i gotta find my place
i wanna hear my sound
don't care about all the pain infront of me
'cos i'm just trying to be happy (oh) happy (oh)

so any turns that i can't see
like i'm a stranger on this road
but don't say victim
don't say anything

so what if it hurts me?
so what if i break down?
so what if this world just throws me off the edge
my feet run out of ground
i gotta find my place
i wanna hear my sound
don't care about all the pain infront of me
i just wanna be happy
oh yeah, happy, oh, happy
i just wanna be, oh
i just wanna be happy
oh, happy

it's been the whole day now but still can't figure if it's the video or just plain being tired /: if it's the vid then i really need to figure how to not be affected but such videos and discussions anymore.how else am i 'pose to continue on with my modules if it's gonna be like this everytime?i thought i'm through with it and told myself to be open to discuss it to help put it behind me and get on.but i guess i'm still not fully ready to be totally open 'bout it to anyone..part of me still feels insurcure and worried 'bout people's opinions and judgements and how they might react despite all the talk 'bout not giving a fuck..i know this sorta things can't be rushed,but i still can't help wishing it'd be over and done with as quick ad possible.i really need to be open 'bout it as much as possible i guess..it seems to really be the one thing in the way that's hindering me from being over it.

typing this on the bus on the way to school 'cos I can't fall asleep even though I'm yawning like I dunno what.. school's been ok so far.. the 2hours don't seem to be two hours. but then we've been released earlier every single time so far. been surviving on 'bout 6hrs of sleep the past couple of days.today's gonna be 'bout 5hrs though. I'm sooo gonna try and sleep by 11plus today sia.. the teachers are rather nice though one seems to be as lost as us freshies and another seems to like to tell stories and share 'bout life than the stuff we're 'pose to know. haha.. but generally it's been ok luh.. gonna try to go sleep again now. tas~

 wee~ i'm bored. but then again, i should treasure all the "i'm bored" days i have left. camp's gonna be in two weeks time (not including this) then school's gonna start the following week. finally my Os break's gonna end. lol..people march holis break also end already and i'm still having Os break. wth.. queenie claims that 'cos of that, i'm still a xiao hai zi like her. so not. bleah. 
ahwell, my new it song for now, Your Universe by Rico Blanco ;D

wee~ this'll be a rather boring post 'bout how i spent my time earlier.hah..
met-up with tiny on the train and headed down to cityhall to meet darylS and fion.both were late despite telling tiny to "don't worry,i'll be on time".HAHA.but not by much luh..just by 5 and 10mins respectively so still ok.went for dinner at pizzahut where they forgot out wings.hah..pizzahut ALWAYS seems to forget/mess up at least one item of our order everytime we go there /: fion and tiny went to the 'toilet' and got a slice of cake for babi boy while waiting for our missing wings.headed down to the river by the esplanade to chill and for babi boy to eat his dessert.after awhile,walked to merlion park where we continued to chill and chatt.saw this cute jap boy who was running around and making loud exclamations in a bid to get the attention of his parents who were cooing over his baby (i think) sister.haha..ryan called halfway then after listening to him rant a 'lil i went "can you text me instead?" and tiny went "LOL!so mean.who's that?queenie?" and i replied "nope, ryan.queenie i won't say that." to which she said i was being mean again.muaha..too bad aiden~
walked down to the CBD side/raffles place area then to clark quay after that.watched people take the extream swing and reverse bungee rides thing.haha..the guy's scream was funny.walked 'bout 2rounds around clark quay and feel so underage with all the old people out and about there.haha..me likey the vibe from the pubs and bars there.way cooler than the "hey!look at me!" vibe from clubs.heh.walked down to dhoby and trained home after that.heh..tiny was saying that today was the day she didn't have to run but we make her walk a whole lot instead.and on a day when she has class at 07:45 the next day to boot. d;

i've had it with myself.wtf's wrong with me?everything's going fine, nothing's being wrong or wrong-er than anything usually is.so wtfh do i keep feeling so bloody empty/negative/blank or just shitish in general.it's been like what?3 damn days?get the fuck over it already, rachel.i don't get it man..when something is actually wrong i can get over it and adjust and refocus myself in say 2, 3 days.now, nothing's frigging wrong and i'm feeling all these rubbish.wtf?

and when the noise cease, nothing but the shadow of my feelings and the ghost of my thoughts remain to haunt me..

heya..just trying out this new lj app thingy

" For seven, she knows a lot of things. She knows that monarch caterpillars live in the folds of milkweed leaves, that tights are never as tight as leggings, that 'We'll see' always means 'No'. She has learned enough of the world to realize that it is a place of grown-ups, and that the only way to leave her mark is to speak at the ends of their sentences and act so much like them that they sit up and take notice. She knows that the minute she falls asleep, her teddy bead's sewed-shut eyes snap open. She knows that truth can cause a sharp pain behind your eyes and that love sometimes feel like a first around your throat. "

-quoted from Keeping Faith by Jodi Picoult-

"people are gonna want you, need you, exceed you, take you, love you, hate you, play you, rate you, save you and break you.but these are what makes you."

sometimes life just dumps crap on us.but it's through working your way above all those crap that builds our character, will, strength and personality.those crap make us who we are by how we overcome them.they may make us feel weak and fustrated and hopeless then but how we chose to deal with it will eventually deem if we're to be strong or weak, determined or easily swayed.

sometimes in life, you meet a secial friend.
someone who changes your life just by being part of it.
someone who makes you laugh till you can't stop.
someone who makes you believe that there really is good in this world.
someone who convinces you that there really is an unlocked door just waiting for you.

posting results are out!kkae..they've been out since early this morning which caused me to be woken up TWICE from people calling to ask about stuff related to the results -.- got into child psychology & early education at NP.wee~ my first choice.haha..to think i was trying to figure my odds of getting in since 3 out of 42 people in my class placed it as the first choice and the lecturer said there's only to be 80 places >< ahwells, and it seems like i'm not gonna be lonely there cos samuelT, debra and huixin are in the same course too.heard that brenda's appealing too.eh, cool, just realized if samuel and i are in the same class, we can like go to school and whatevs together!LOL..anyhoos, JC-going people will have to start school tomorrow.so today's the last day of mindless, i-don't-have-to-care fun for them.heh..
hmm..looking forward to whatever comes next.good luck to everyone for the future~

heya again..
this post's kinda a continuation of the previous 'cos SOME PEOPLE've been bugging me for details so here they are i guess.
firstly, the results part.eng a1, comb. humans b3, geog b3, emath b3, amath c6, comb. sci a2, chi b3, chi(oral) dist. .mmm..mainly 3s luh.chi retake but still same grade.waste 24bucks.lol..but at least i tried i guess.heh..i managed to at least pass my amath :DD lol..it's a feat considering my usual f9 for amath okaey.felt that comb. humans and geog could've been much better with an A at least but ah well, it's already done so whatevs~
next up's the 12 choices.they're child psychology & early education (NP), psychology studies (TP), early childhood studies (TP), psychology & community services (NP), social sciences (social work) (NYP), early childhood education (NP), tourism & resort management (SP), hospitality & tourism management (TP), leisure & resort management (TP), tourism & resort management (NP), hospitality & tourism management (NYP), hotel and hospitality management (RP) in that order.yes, i know i've put the 13points infront of the 8points and the order seems to not make much sense if you look at the schools the courses are from.but i've placed them in this order based on what i wanna do and according to the lecturers, students and handouts.i didn't care which poly the courses are from but what each course offers instead.thus the random order in which the school appears.but the first six are generally early edu/psyc stuff frm the various school of humans and the last six are hoispitality stuff from business.besides, you can't talk me into changing my mind or shuffling my choices around 'cos i've already submitted them and i'm not paying 10bucks more to do something somebody else wants.hee
so yeaps, nothing to write about le..gimmie things to post about of bug me with more questions and maybe i'll do more lj-ing since i've got nothing to do these days.tas~

finally blogging again after one zillion years..
anyhoos, Os results were released yesterday.did acceptable-ly enough i think.r5 15 and r4 12.so with the cca bonus thing that makes it 14 and 10.which makes it good enough for the poly courses i want (according to last year's cop at least..) chose my 12 choices already.gonna put the early education/psychology ones infront and the hospitality ones behind.i really wanna get my first choice though..hopefully it'll work out.seems quite popular even in my school and there's only like 80 places >.< *cross fingers* haha..the funny thing yesterday was that some of the sec4s '10 cried while some of us ('09s) didn't.haha..they see people cry then cry together..lol.and thanks to our % and stuff they're now scared shitless of the Os and results and all that.hah..hopefully their teachers won't go on and on about it and keep comparing them to us..it's not exactly a fair/accurate thing to do too.
and now i've run outta things to say but am still bored so queenie says to say that i'm bored and am relieving her off her 4 hour emath tuition boredom.yes, 4 hours.whoever has 4 hour tuitions right?tsk..she says it's 'cos her teacher's hardworking.lol..and tengteng,verrenmax and kaixiong just popped in to kajiao.tsk 'lil boys.hah..the dl thing's being irritating.i can't dl th score nor the mp3s.kns..tengteng's back here on my bed, watching momo on justin's touch.i'm reallyreally running outta stuff to say so tas

woo~ finally cleared everything.lj should seriously go create a delete all post button.i know i havn't been posting much but who cares anyways?lol.i'm prolly gonna do most of the posting on twitter instead 'cos it's like immediate and way more convenient with the texting thing.heh..maybe fb too.who know?so yeah twitter.com/musicrae 's where most of the stuffs gonna be.
xoxo
-rae